If the telco’s had invented the Internet…
July 11th, 2008
There’s a lot of ranting going on these days regarding phone companies. First, Rogers and the iPhone (don’t get me started on that one!). Bell and Telus with their incoming SMS fee which is a nice 6M$ of extra revenue per DAY. I have the feeling that they’re simply milking us before they die. Interestingly enough, the iPhone is a nice platform for VOIP so let’s see how this will go. The dinosaurs must die.
So… just for the fun of it, here’s how the Internet would be if the telephone companies had invented it. I can already tell you that it would be hell.
Just like 411, you’d have to pay 1.25$ to do whois or DNS queries.
Just like optional caller ID, you’d have to pay to see your friend’s names and pictures in MSN Messenger. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know who’s talking to you until they announce themselves. Prank IM paradise! But wait, you could always use *IM to know who just sent you an IM for just 50 cents.
Just like long distance fees, you would pay a different fee depending on the country where you send your emails. You could always go to www.1010emails.com to save some money.
Just like collect calls, you could email your parents and let them pay for the email fee.
Just like buddy lists, you would be able to email only 5 friends without extra charges. As long as they are using the same provider than you.
Just like Telus’s cell phone voice mail, you would only have 3 emails in your inbox. New emails would simply bounce. Of course you could get the deluxe email inbox which would allow you to have 10 emails for just 5.99$ more.
Just like a phone bill, you’d have inexplicable fees such as wireless Internet roaming network fee, anti-virus security fee (equivalent of 911 fees). Every month, your Internet bill would never be the same amount and even though you took the basic 19$ plan, your bill would never be less than 65$.
Just like cell phone browsers, your internet browser would be limited to just 10 (highly sponsored) sites - all in text with a small (barely readable) graphic on the top. You wouldn’t be allowed to browse other provider’s sites or public web sites.
Just like ring tones, you would have to pay 3.99$ just to change your email notifier tone. It would sound like crap too.
Just like cell phones, you would only have unlimited downloads after 8pm or during the weekend. You would have to pay per minute during the day or use your monthly Internet minutes.
Just like SMS, you’d have to pay everytime you send an email. Your emails would be limited to an inexplicately low limit of 25 characters thus requiring you to send multiple emails.
Just like Telus and Bell’s new scam proposal, you’d have to pay to receive email (and spam too). Whether you want them or not.
Just like Bell’s touch-tone service, you’d have a surcharge for a service that you don’t have the choice to get anyways. Only Bell customers and perhaps the older generation like myself might understand this one…
Just like cell phone number portability issues (in the past at least), if you’d wanted to change ISP, you’d have to give all your friends your new IP address and reconfigure all your applications as everything would stop working.
Just like cell phones roaming fees, you would have to pay more when using your wireless Internet connection away from home.
Just like the yellow pages, you’d have a big book with your name, address and IP in it. You’d have to pay not to be included in the listing.
Just like the phone, you could send an operator-assisted email for a few extra dollars. "Operator, please send this email to my friend Michael Sabia at BCE".
Finally, if the telco’s had invented the Internet, we’d have pretty strick download limits per month (such as 6GB per month) and ridiculouly high penalties for downloading more. Oh wait - that’s Rogers and it’s happening right now in 2008!
As you can see, I think the telco’s covered all the possible sources of revenues. Did I miss anything?
Posted in Rant, humour | Comments (1)
July 11th, 2008 at 10:29 am
It’s so true. Boy am I glad that they don’t run the web! Unfortunately even in this day and age it’s still pretty hard to get by without a phone.